Hello Hello!!!
I know I've been busy and haven't gotten a chance to post but guess what.....I'm back! It keeps me motivated to share anything I've learned along the way, just in case it is interesting or helps someone else. Here's what I've learned so far about life, you just never know where things will take you.
So today's post was a realization I had. I've had a few slip up moments with ice cream (which I have shared about) and lately I have been eating peanut butter and cocoa nibs like they are going out of style! My body hasn't had too much of a negative impact from these slip ups or PB habits. But the point is just because I don't see any negative impact doesn't mean I shouldn't break these habits. I think to myself "what would my body look like today if I hadn't had 2 more tablespoons of PB (minimum!) a few days ago?" What motivates me is I don't want to think about "what if" with this journey. I want to know I laid it all out, did every step I needed to in order to reach my goal.
This led me to another thought. I have a habit of not forgiving myself for the times I fall short or "fail" in life. Whether it's big or small I let it all add up and I keep a tally. Well when I had that ice cream or the PB I had a thought. "Well I guess this is as good as I can get, maybe this is as far as my journey goes with this". What a crazy negative thing to say to myself! The silent conversations that I have with myself are sometimes the cruelest. I can be negative, doubt myself and compare myself to others at times. And when I thought of all the things I would need to do in order to come up "even" after the ice cream, PB and the time I spent off when I was sick, I felt overwhelmed. It can seem like so much to do in order to feel like I've made up for all those short comings. The truth is there is no need to pay back anything. I don't need to go back in time to make up for those mistakes, however big or small. These feelings used to derail me from goals all the time. I would make some progress and then life would happen or I'd make a mistake and it all didn't seem worth it anymore because I was already so far behind anyways, there would be no way for me to catch up. You know what's a refreshing feeling? That moment when you tell yourself that you're just going to start doing the right things right now and you don't have to make up for anything. I released all the doubts I had and I took comfort in the fact that all I have to do is follow the plan. There is a clear path of steps set out ahead of me for this goal and all I need to do is take it day by day and step by step. I feel relieved to think that I can keep going on this journey, that my best is still in front of me and I can still get there. I have to repeatedly let go and get past it but I'm aware of it now. I'm aware of how it stopped my life before and how it led me down the same paths again and again. I always wondered how I stayed in the same spot emotionally and physically and now I know. I had tethered myself to all the mistakes I thought I was making. But not anymore.
So the only encouragement I can give to others who are trying to put more discipline in their life or trying to change, is don't look back on the things you could of done or the things you didn't do. Look at where you are right now because those are the moments that are going lead the change in your life. Not the things that have already happened. The more you can understand how you absorb or react to things in your life the more you have the power to set yourself down the right path because YOU will have the power to change yourself.
Hope this realization helps someone as much as it's helped myself. The only weight I want to carry around is the ones I lift to give me muscles ;) Wishing you happiness wherever you are!
Cheers,
Ash
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