Hello blog world!
Today I had a training session with Coach Candice and as usual glutes were on the menu along with hamstrings! And as usual Coach Candice asks me how things are going, and I mention to her that I know I'm seeing changes but I'm being hard on myself. Cheat meals make me feel guilty and when I do feel like I need to use the peanut butter and cacao nib snack that she suggested I feel guilty. Immediately she asked me if I was still seeing changes? The answer is yes. She reminds me that there isn't anything to worry about then. Then I get my next assignment. This might sound really silly and other people who have done this journey might not struggle or focus on emotional training, but I am. My life is different than it has ever been, I'm not the same person I was 5 months ago and when you change or grow in life different emotions surface. Coach Candice brought something up that I thought really hit how I feel about life too, she said "when you allow negative thoughts in, whether you say them out loud or not, you hold on to them and you allow for negative energy to be attracted to your life" How true that can be.
So here is how my assignment started out. Coach Candice told me to start keeping a journal daily and each day I will write down 5 things that I love about myself. Does that sound simple?? Well, it's not. She on the spot asked me to say out loud 5 things that I like about myself. Let me explain how my personality naturally works. I can find things I might want to say but there is always that second thought that comes in and takes away all the positivity. Here's an example: What I say out loud: "I like my abs" What I say in my head "but they aren't really where I want them to be yet". I do this for EVERY SINGLE THING I could think about myself. I dreaded finding those 5 things more than the workout today. Once I found 5 things, Coach Candice asked for 5 more things. Whether it was a small thing, something from my training or just about myself it still took me a long time to find 5 things. Then once I said them out loud, Coach Candice asked for 5 more things. This isn't easy for me. I can easily tell you all the things I need to get better at or improve on, but ask me to tell you my favorite things about who I am and I find all the reasons why they don't really matter. The fact is they do matter. This is where training myself mentally will carry me the rest of the way through this journey, through all 19 weeks I have left. Each day I write down 5 things I love about myself on one page, on the next page I write down the follow up comment I hear in my head or also known as the "yeah, but..." comments. The follow up comment does nothing but take away the positive of the first statement. Eventually the follow up statements will fade and all I'll have left is the positive statement. All I'll see is the positive statement and all I'll feel is the positive things about myself. But for now it's about working through the negative, letting out emotions that I feel and not feeling any guilt for doing so.
The other thing I will be doing each day is writing an affirmation that Coach Candice gave me to write in my journal:
"I love and approve of myself exactly as I am, I am enough. It is safe for me to feel my feelings. I am strong capable and creating my life the way I want it."
I've got to start seeing things I enjoy about myself and not hold all my value in other people's opinions about myself. That was another realization I had during training, a lot of things that came to my mind were what other people value in me. But it's about me seeing those qualities in myself and on my own. So as I start journaling I will share how it goes and I'll maybe share some things I'm finding out about myself along the way. I hope that by sharing some of the mental struggles I'm having that maybe it will help someone else. This journey is about transforming the physical side of me but the emotional side needs my attention too in order for me to be successful.
Tomorrow I will update on my weekly pictures and talk about the cleanse I'm doing, how I'm doing with a little bit of cardio change along the way also! I'll start to incorporate more "workout" material into the blog as well as good food and recipe items I find! I might not be able to eat them now but that doesn't mean that I can't start getting creative in the kitchen after this challenge! ;)
Stay positive and have an amazing day!
Cheers,
Ash
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