A whole new kind of pain.....

When I think back on my life I know that I've experienced pain before.  I lost loved ones, I've had a fight with a friend, I've stubbed my toe and I've been sick, I've lived through disappointments, I've lived through feeling like I'm a disappointment, I've made it through these moments in life and I know there will be future pain, because that's the beauty of life.  You get a life full of amazing moments, and I have had a great life, because even through the bad I'm thankful for life.  I've taken on this new challenge and it's a new kind of pain.  I've just come home from a workout where my trainer said these exact words  "It is going to take EVERYTHING you've got".  Now she didn't just mean the workout we were doing, she means these next 9 weeks.  The intensity in her eyes tells me that there is no room for error and that she's as serious as can be.  Today's workout tells me she means business.  She's equal parts love/compassion and get your ass in gear haha

So this has got my brain turning and thinking.  I'll be honest my first thought was "I'm scared/I don't know if I can do this" I wanted to stop myself from thinking this but I'd rather think it, release it and never bring it to another workout again.  Today's workout she pushed me and my back and arms are in a new kind of pain!  9 weeks.  That's the time I've got left.  I can see my limits, I can see where I've pushed myself before, almost like an island where you can see where the sand fades into the ocean.  I understand how some people can see this journey as vain because I'm pushing myself to "look a certain way" or "be a certain size" because they think that's what makes me happy.  And really it's not about that.  Having a great physique will be an added bonus, but I want to know that I can do more than I thought, push further than I think I can and be more disciplined than I've ever been before.  Can I choose a goal and dig deep to get to where I want to go.  That's what this is all about.  I'm in the process of building a better me.  That's all I can think about right now because it will get progressively harder.

So workouts by myself will have to increase the intensity.  This word was used several times during today's workout.  Bring more intensity, have more intensity.  Don't go half ass and don't think that I have to be perfect.  But I have to keep the intensity up to the standards with a Coach Candice workout.  I should feel like I'm struggling by the last few reps and still push it through even if I need to take a break.   It's not about hitting a certain rep # any more or a certain weight.  It's about working my muscles till I think they can't go any further and then doing 5 more reps on top of that.  I know that today's post wasn't a workout or food post but there are a lot of things that happen when you do something new or you have a new goal.  I hope that through my journey and by writing this blog I can see the moments where fear holds me back and break through it.  Life is too short for me not to see what I'm made of.  So thanks for reading (mostly because this took a long time for me to have enough strength come back to my arms so I could finish this post haha......I'm not kidding about that!)  Tomorrow is a picture progress post!  I'll post more then!!!  Till then I've still got a double cardio session and hopefully some nap time too so my muscles can rest a little :)

Perfect for today and the next 71 days :)

Cheers!
Ash